As I sit watching the pre-show to the first presidential debate I have many emotions running though my head right now. Part of me wants to watch so that I can be an informed voter (even though my vote has always been decided). But the other part of me the “more” rational part me wants to just turn off the lights and TV, go to sleep and watch the recaps in the morning.

I will say that foray into politics has been a bit rocky. The real first presidential election that I remember enough to understand was the 2000 election. And lets just say after the results of Bush vs. Gore, I have been a bit scarred. I went to bed thinking that Al Gore won that election and then woke up to the term butterfly ballot and an election that seemed to go on forever. I was a sophomore in high school so my American History class became Bush vs. Gore until the Supreme Court decision came down.

Eight years later, I remember my brother being very emotional over the election of President Obama. My response was very cynical, wait until morning, it could all change. That is what Election 2000 did to me. It made me not trust our political system.

And when you talk about 2016 I still get emotional. I stayed up all night to watch the results of that election. There were tears, there was cursing, and there were more tears. I went to work the next day wearing all black because I was in mourning. I think the only highlight of the 2016 was John King on CNN and his magic board.

So tonight I have made myself comfortable. I’m burning a candle to help me relax. I have my weighted blanket on my lap to help with my anxiety. And I’m not going to make it. When the President (who I don’t claim) decided to disrespect my alma mater (yes I went to the same school as Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden) I called it a night. Making it a half hour is impressive, but the amount of debating that was done by the President with the moderator alone was more than enough to to make me turn it off before the disrespect of the Fightin’ Blue Hens.